The Constant Struggle

14.Dec.2020

Is it just me or does it seem like as a parent one is constantly struggling to imprint the proper values, morales, and way of being with one’s DNA these days? Case and point, the 14 year old, which has a smartphone was told that when the phone was received that he would have to keep the same passcode as both myself and the co-parent need to have access to the phone when ever we like to. This is to ensure that we can validate that he is not doing anything he should not be doing and at a minimum exhibiting proper etiquette when texting others. I understand that kids today text far different than I do but given how critical one’s online and social media presence is to future jobs/endeavors I just want to make sure he has a fighting chance.

I find out at 4:45am this morning that he had unilaterally changed the passcode to his phone since he had apparently set not one not two not three but five alarms to get up on time! I don’t knock he effort to be able to get on time, I applaud that, but he seemed unbothered by the fact that he had done something contrary to what we had agreed. All I have wanted is for him to understand that his actions carry consequences and that it is his actions themselves that show his integrity or character or lack thereof.

Turns out that he changed it so that his bother could not get on the phone when he was not looking. He dismissed the need for proper ownership of the phone and when asked why he didn’t just work with his brother to have him understand why he must not just go on his phone he stated “I tried everything and nothing worked!” The real question is did he really try everything? Turns out the answer was no. He had asked his mother but not myself. So now I have two issues. Lack of trust and a willingness to take the easy route and not address issues when the come up. Also, a lack of willingness to explore all avenues with both parents.

I get that today kids simply want the quick solution but there is something to be said for actually confronting conflict and working things out. A skill/trait that our younger generation is quickly losing and simply learning to avoid challenges instead of meeting them head on. You tell me, am I being to harsh or expecting too much?

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